<< by on January 16th, 2008
This is web traffic control, and you are not clear to land. I say again, you are not clear to land. Landing pages today have come a long way from what they were–even months ago! Yet, we are still in a world where the traffic is becoming more and more demanding, saavy and impatient. Passengers who wish to land want to enjoy immediate access–convenience, comfort and efficiency … Who dares to land upon a page that is downright ugly–aesthetically?? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but what is “beauty”? A thesis of information and multiple images and lengthy forms … well, that’s certainly a start to sexy gone terribly bad!
If you experience turbulance you may be asked to be seated and fasten your seat belts. We ask you to please observe the safety regulations located in the seat pocket in front of you … Is the landing unsafe for passengers? Does this require secure information? Do visitors hoping to land have faith in your ability to put together a clean landing–a safe and appropriate landing that is secure when needed?
In the event of a water landing, we ask you to stay calm and remove the seat cushion located underneath you as this acts as a natural floating device … oops, I’m sorry Maam, you seem to not have one! Nothing worse than typing in that golden keyword and linking directly to a blank–missing landing page! OUCH–that will surely drown the client.
Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, please don’t mind if the lighting does not work or the seats don’t work properly–and oh, the bathroom can only allow people up to 180 lbs., otherwise we cannot assure you the best comfort possible, but due to the outdated conditions, we will have to ask you to not worry if you typed in a keyword that has nothing to do with what you’re seeing currently. Yikes! Almost as bad as no landing page is an obsolete landing page.
The captain would like to thank you all for flying with us today, and apologizes for the lengthy delay as the plane was loaded down with more content, images and extraneous code than needed. Please excuse the multiple misspellings in your air safety card, as we were lucky enough to land safely … or were we!?!?!?!